Show Me the Weird Thing

06.11.19. You may have noticed a lapse of posting due to a special social event of the summer, my mom-in-law's wedding!

If your vision of the small town pastoral couple is the quiet life of a village parson living in the modest rectory where steeple bells toll the call to worship across the dell and cherry blossoms gently blow on the breeze, you may have read too many Jane Austen books.

Don't get me wrong, I believe the ministry life is one of the best out there, because of the connections and the community and the opportunities of building a life with the common goal of sharing in relationship with God. Alas, there are toilets to be cleaned, bake sales to organize, choirs to direct, Sunday school classes to be taught, pianos to be played, volunteers to lassoed and chickens to be fried! All this while keeping your own home together and being able to drop it all should someone go into the hospital or your hubby-pastor invites the board of deacons over for coffee and homemade peach cobbler immediately following the Sunday night service or your own children start puking -- which, by the way, intermittent, projectile vomit always seems to happen on Sunday morning!

My in-laws lived in the parsonage steps away from the church where they ministered just outside of Tulsa. He loved to immerse himself in the community and she worked beside him. After Paps died, her life changed dramatically. His death meant they were released from the present commission and she needed a new home.

The family helped pack and relocate all of her adult life into a moving van bound for Oklahoma City, where she would start her new life as a widow. This she did for almost 10 years until an 81 year old widower asked her to go out for dinner. On Saturday, June 8th, they started a together-life. 

Over the weekend, I didn't ditch my 100 Days of Summer Devos, we were too busy with the #momsgettingmarried weekend to blog about them. I would encourage you to purchase a copy of Lysa TerKeurst's EMBRACED to catch what I couldn't write about. I did highlight key thoughts:

Meeting with God before we set out working for Him is a place where we are fueled by His presence and power. "This is the daily sacred exchange where ministry duty turns into pure delight." I want to be busy doing the Lord's work WITH the Lord not as a lone ranger.

Lysa repeats a prayer before she meets with God in this "daily sacred exchange." Her simple prayer reminded me of the one I pray not nearly as book-worthy, nonetheless, effective. My pre-devo prayer: God, show me the weird thing I've never seen, before, in Your Word. And, show me how to apply it, today.

Spending time with Him consistently places us in a position of hearing what deep, divine treasures He wants to reveal in our everyday, mundane things, but we've got to look for it. As we develop the spiritual muscle of looking for Him, "we become changed people who live out the reality of God" and don't need to feel overlooked by everyone else, because we are "handpicked by God" to experience His checklist.

There is a pattern. Do you see it? Intimacy. It's not like our human version which holds back a portion of ourselves until we feel enough time has gone by that the other person has proven they are trust-worthy. God jumps in on Day 1 with an invitation to seek spending time with Him with every ounce of our being. With great delight, He wants to show us the hidden treasures and the weird things while on the greatest adventure that has its starting point, here and now, and continues on into eternity. 

Trust the Lord from the bottom of your heart;
Don't try to figure everything out on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do and everywhere you go;
He'll keep you on track!

Proverbs 3:5-6 msg 

You can have that intimacy. If you're unsure as to how that happens, message me!

PEACE, ICE CREAM and TOGETHER-NESS

“If you don’t want us to be in the ministry, anymore, just say the word. Right now, you make the decision. What’s it gonna be?”


We had been doing ministry, together, as singles longer than we had been doing ministry, together, as husband and wife. Any couple with years of marriage to their credit knows, those first years of wedded bliss can be peppered with heated battles of the wills which are typically silly spats that “old married couples” just blow off because they have learned which battles to pick. Adding the stresses of ministry has the potential of becoming polarizing. But, as young couples do what young couples do, the emotions of the moment ebb, forgiveness gently flows and the make-up is great! Huggy, kissy, lovey! 

But, not this night.

Together, staring at the ceiling in the dark bedroom, both of us had had it. It, being the frustration with the ministry and with each other in the ministry, had exploded into a huge argument. My hubby wanted peace. I did, too. He was torn between tension of the calling pulling on the home. I was torn in half.

Perhaps, it was from holding my tongue and internalizing while church people felt the freedom of expressing their displeasure and opinions. Perhaps, it was from high expectations from the leadership while I did not even live up to my own. Perhaps, it was insecurity from the past stepping on my heels. Perhaps, it was all of these and more in a perfect storm converging at that hormonal time of the month. 

Regardless, there it was. “Right now, you make the decision. What’s it gonna be?”

Acutely aware our future was in my hands, I lay there with eyes unblinking staring at the ceiling in our dark bedroom. My mouth was dry. I wanted out. I wanted us to be a regular couple who attend church, together, on the weekends and some Wednesdays. I wanted to be the normal couple who work 9-to-5 jobs and leave the stress of work stacked up on their desks until Monday morning. I imagined we could be the idyllic couple who hand-in-hand leave church on Sundays to happily spend the remainder of the day at the lake and not give one thought to church finances or who decided to leave because of something said in a pulpit. I wanted my husband to drive a new sports car, if he wanted to, without repercussion that a preacher should not be making that kind of money. And, I wanted to not be told to not wear a new dress on Easter so others felt better about not having a new dress. For heaven’s sake, my double-pierced ears are not of the devil! Nobody else lives like this… why do we have to?

Staring up in the dark, it seemed like forever as I remembered the personal calling to ministry I felt as a student in summer church camp and the many conversations with the guy I was going to marry as we dreamed about life and ministry, together. I was dreamy about him and how the preacher life would play out. As ugly as that night’s argument felt, it was a revelation of how differently men and women think and how immature I was. 

I swallowed and licked my lips. Somehow feeling the weight of the future on my chest, but knowing the future would be with the love of my life, I whispered my decision. Then, my young hubby reached for my hand in the quiet, darkness and prayed for us.

That early marriage, dark room decision made so many years ago has been strengthened in the repetitions of doing the work of ministry and in living through some of the worst times in our life. From then to now, we have done it, together. And, we have stayed, together. 

Together is a word tapping a deep joy in my soul.

Honestly, surveying back, the greatest of struggles have been the blindsiding situations slamming into our lives like a Black Rhinoceros ramming into a clown car. It always happens at a time when both my hubby and I were physically tired and spiritually sapped. I am thankful for a man who asks, “Have you had your Jesus-time, this morning?” because he understands the enemy goes after the weakling. As old-fashioned as it may sound, we read the Word, together, and listen to the Word preached, together, thereby strengthening our spirits.

We work well, together, my preacher-man and I. Not everyone has this luxury. Many don’t see it as a blessing. Where he ends, I begin and vice versa. Even though ministry locations and job descriptions change, we hustle hard observing, processing and doing the work.

Then, after the Word and the work, we rest and play, together. Sometimes, it’s a quiet evening by the fire reading or it’s hiking over rocks and roots discovering a new trail or it’s a tall twist ice cream cone at our local drive-in. Joy is sweeter when there is peace and ice cream in the marriage!

It’s been said for every struggle is an even greater joy. I don’t know. I haven’t been counting. What I do know is that God has given me joy in creating a wonderful marriage with the man I love. And, we can face any struggle in or out of ministry, together.

_____________________

This blog post first appeared on SANCTUARY | Ministry to Ministry Wives founded by friend of the family and sister-in-ministry, Bridgette Tomlin.

Bridgette's goal is to connect ministry wives and ultimately end the isolation we tend to back ourselves into when loneliness and stress crush our spirits.

If you are a preacher's wife, a wife on a church or other ministry staff, visit Sanctuary to redefine what sanctuary and connect!