100 Days of Summer 74-80/100

08.19.19. I love a fresh start. I even love Mondays. I know. Weird. On Mondays, there's the opportunity to start anew feeling energized. I love a do-over. Growing up, I played church volleyball. If you had any kind of accurate serve, your team was pretty much assured a win. But, if you missed and the ball went wonky or got caught in the net, you got a do-over! I loved church league volleyball for that little grace!

It's Monday morning. Remember, I love Mondays, but today, feels like it's on the brink of doom, like when there's a major fault in a dam and the little town, below, has been evacuated. I feel like my insides are on alert with a spinning red emergency light to that ear-piercing siren honk-blasting the warning. 

Just like the rings of the famous Olympic symbol, everything about us is interconnected with one part effecting the other parts -- body, mind, heart and soul, inside to outside. If one is weakened, the others will feel the need. 

So, I take a quick inventory.

Am I worried? [the mind] There's plenty to be anxious about. But can I actually change one of them by allowing my mind to brew in a vat of worry? No. If I were to make a list of the Top 10... naw, let's go lesser... Top 3 Worries, I may be able to alleviate them in a practical method, but ultimately God's got my back. He isn't surprised and He works on my behalf so that I can keep moving forward.

How's my soul? [the soul] A soul weakened by neglect or hunger can topple the entire structure of body, mind and heart. But, I've been nourishing my soul with scripture and praise music and prayer, both privately and with others. My soul is full and spiritually strong.

Am I tired? [the body] It's been an engaging weekend with a physically exhausting week prior. Some time back in one of the previous 79 devotions in the Embraced book, Lysa TerKeurst acknowledges her own fatigue overlapping into her emotions: A depleted girl can quickly become a defeated girl when she lets emotions dictate her reactions. 

Am I broken-hearted? [the heart/emotions] Aha. Ouchies. Found it. For me, today, this one tends to sit on the curb slack shouldered and teary. This is the culprit that catches in my throat prompting me to ask Why. This is the reason I want to quit everything and run from the crushing pain isolating my broken heart from anything or anyone who intentionally or unknowingly caused the injury. What do ya know, there was a crack in the dam and my eyes are leaking.

Like that little dark cloud raining above a cartoon character's head everywhere he goes, the sadness will hang around. I can't speed off away from it thinking it'll remain in the dust I just left. Nope. That's stinkin' thinkin'. 

It's time to take sound action to acknowledge the hurt [the mind], to pull back from the busyness into a quiet comfortable place for as much time as I need to let all my parts gather in rest [the body] to let being in God's presence [the soul] begin mending my brokenness [the heart].

I won't let this crushing feeling choke my energy by tangling up my thoughts. I choose to trust God.

It make take awhile. And, in the middle of my heartache it may feel like God's not around. But, I will hang my hope in His peace because His love is constant as the sun and His faithfulness is everlasting. This is what I trust. This is where I will find healing. 

"All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and goodness and truth and faithfulness to those who keep His covenant and His testimony." (Psalm 25:10)
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." (Psalm 34:18)

This is the embrace.

Stuck in the Muck

07.12.19.  Goodness! What a great EMBRACED devo by Lysa TerKeurst! You've gotta get this book! (click the word Embraced for the link)

Lysa asks the reader who feels she is in the middle of a mess to answer the following question: Am I letting this mess define me or refine me? Then, she explains the reader's answer is crucial to feeling hopeless or hopeful. 

We all know we cannot stay in the mess whether the mess has us feeling stuck or stranded. Lysa uses scripture to develop three "Go-To Scripts" which become new patterns of thought to speak Truth of the Word into her mess. You'll just have to get the book and look up Day 42 for these Turning North Go-To Scripts.

Reading through today's devotion, my own messes came forward. Some are messier than others. It seems like there are always lessons to be learned in a muck of a mess.  I cannot imagine ever intentionally wanting to remain in a mess especially when we have the power within us to get out of the mess. However, when the mess leaves us feeling stranded --as if God forgot about us-- we can feel that hopelessness weighing heavier and pushing us deeper into the sludge.

I have been there. 

Honestly, I let the mess define me. The word abandoned seeped into my heart adding to the ugliness of being in the mess. From there, anger would climb over a great disappointment choking off my breath. I was sure I would become the first person in history that God forgot and refused to hear her prayers. It wasn't about the mess, anymore. It was about my brokenness.

It is important that Truth resides in your heart. For even when broken or stunned, Truth will surface.

When the enemy of my soul would insert a lie, Truth surfaced.

"God has forgot about you." Then, a bubble would break the surface, "Don't fear. I won't leave you nor forsake you."  


"God won't answer." <blip, blip, blip> "Don't be stressed. Don't be discouraged. I will help you with My right hand."

"You're too weak." <pppp-shsssssshhhhhhh> "You are more than a conqueror through God."

"This is impossible." <fizzy, fizzy, pop> "With God, nothing is impossible."

The scripture Truth I had memorized (maybe not remembering where they were located book, chapter and verse) was rising from the deep and so was my faith!

Then, I broke free to inhale sweet air and let it fill my lungs... "I am a child of God. I am chosen by the King. What touches my life is, first, felt by Him. He knows where I am. I cannot run or hide or be hidden where He cannot find me. I can come boldly to the throne in His presence making my requests known to Him. He hears my every cry. He goes before me and hems me in from behind. I put my hope and trust in Him because He loves me!"

Are you stuck in the muck or stranded in the mess of your own life situations? It's time to let Truth surface.

Brokenness Mended Again

07.05.19.  Have you ever wanted to shake your fist to the heavens? Have hard times and insensitive behavior of others left you feeling kicked in the gut, broken-hearted and weak as water? Perhaps, you -like me-  have lifted a defiant chin, gritted your teeth and made a declaration as a modern version of Scarlett O'Hara. 

"As God as my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry, again."

I have been, there. Not so much the actual food dealio, but I have been there spiritually and emotionally. 

It's funny-not-funny that when I have been at the point where it felt like my spirit was broken and there was no strength to be summoned, up from some abyss deep within this 5'3" frame, a resolve slowly starts to steam its way upward, builds pressure at the back of my throat until it finds my tongue and I snap out a charge at God. 

"Are You listening? Do You see me? Why aren't You doing anything? Am I not Your child?"

If you read this with your finest idea of sarcasm and bitterness and frustration, you have come pretty close to how hard I symbolically shook my fist. I know He is big enough to take it. Honestly, I imagine He sighs at my outburst, "Finally, you're at a point of trusting My words instead of trusting your 'tools' to attempt to bury or heal your pain."

There is this one verse in Psalms 34 offered to bring comfort after someone dies and the loss is more than a loved one can bear. But, what if this same verse were applied when a person is face down with their soul shattered into thin, glass splinters and they are disillusioned with God? 

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;

If you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath.

Psalm 34:18 MSG

He knows me. He knows the motivation behind the frustration. He knows I know He's right there. Clearly I don't doubt His existence, because I'm hurling questions. I'm certainly not punishing Him with my silence. If perspective is reality, I think it's from a wounding of perceived abandonment that I and others angrily knit our brow and snarl our offenses as threats. 

What do we do after that? What do you do after that?

This post could go deep while the word count climbs to trace back the wounding to the heart of the matter and analyze from all angles and quote famous and knowledgeable people. But, I don't want to go there. 

I want to offer honest observation of my own brokenness-mended. 

I keep coming back and turning over all my stuff to the living and loving Heavenly Father who has known me from before recorded time and chooses to continue to love while walking me through every alleged disappointment I have with Him. After exhausting my challenge and shaking in my anger, God speaks and I absorb His love surrounding me. He gently sweeps up all the splintered pieces mending my brokenness with His Word and with His peace. 

Peace in chaos. This doesn't make sense.

I'm not suggesting I experience a cloud of cotton candy buffering my boo-boos as I float away in a totally relaxed state of mind while all my troubles disappear. On the contrary.

I've taken the freedom to note my interpretation of 1 Peter 5:7... "Give all your stuff to God, because He is most careful with you." 

All my stuff I just blasted Him with is an ammunitions offload while the chaos is still swirling around. By faith, I'm giving all my stuff to Him to deal with knowing when He speaks, my anxiety is hefted by shoulders bigger than mine. When He speaks, wisdom for direction is dropped into my noggin. When He speaks, hope is ignited with promise. It is after He speaks when I have clarity to focus on the truth of His Words and move with intentionality. 

What about you? Isn't it time to give all your stuff to Him? Are you done being angry with His way of doing things? He's got your best interest at heart and is ready when you are to talk it over. Are you ready to have your brokenness mended ...again?

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I'm not quite sure what was in the Day 35 devo in the EMBRACED book by Lysa TerKeurst which sparked my thoughts. Order the book for your own 100 Devotions to Know God is Holding You Close. 

The Woman of Bethany

It was almost Passover celebration time, again, and Jesus was invited to have a meal in a home in Bethany, a city a few miles from Jerusalem. As was the custom, men reclined around a table eating and talking about things that men talk about. Most likely women with their heads covered were quietly moving in and out of the room seeing to the needs of the supper table, when she walked in.

She was branded “immoral” and “sinful.” The fact that her head was uncovered was confirmed her profession. Her long, wavy, dark hair was loose. No matter. Loose is how she was described by others. She couldn’t change that. No one cared to find out how she came by this “bad name” in the community. And, if they did, it was surely in a rumor-filled gossip session around the local marketplace. Lowest of the low. Avert your eyes. Don’t even look at her …this…this whore.

As soon as her presence is known, conversation trails off. Sentences aren’t completed as all in house realize who this woman is. She knows she is not welcomed here and quickly searches the room. Finding Him, their eyes lock and she moves quietly to His side of the table to kneel at His feet. With a whimper barely audible, she leans over and grabs Jesus’ feet kissing them and wetting them with a stream of tears she’s held back for years.

All of the twisted anger and the ugly thoughts of herself and the deep brokenness are being poured out from the bottom of her soul. Eyes blurred she reaches for something to wipe his feet soiled with road dust and animal muck. Usually loosened for the intimacy of the bedroom, she reaches for her loose hair. This act causes murmurs around the table. “If He’s really a prophet, He would know what kind of woman this is touching Him.”

Having everything and nothing to lose, she opens the jar she brought and pours the expensive perfume, first, onto His feet wiped clean and kisses them. Then, she rises and spills the remaining perfume as grateful affection in worship upon His head. The fragrance is filling the room and wafting on the air to the rest of the house. Not one person is clueless as to the source.

Greedy hearts of men are revealed as the expensive offering is dismissed as a waste. If she heard these words intended to describe their disgust with her, she didn’t let on. She continues pouring out, wiping and kissing allowing the emotional wounds serrated by use and abuse to soften and heal with each expression of intimacy. As far as she is concerned, she and Jesus are the only two people in the room.

With the tenderness of the scene subsiding, Jesus finally speaks. He addresses common courtesies, providing a washbasin for visitors’ feet and oil to moisturize their parched faces from the hot sun, neglected to be offered to Him as a guest in this man’s home. Also, He reminds the man of the traditional greeting, a kiss on the cheek, was forgotten. To the others around the table, He rebukes because of their judgmental attitudes.

At last, Jesus turns to the woman of Bethany whose loose tresses hang tousled with drying tears and the scent of her fragrant offering. He accepts her costly adoration and proclaims, “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

In His omniscience, Jesus knows what the men were thinking. He knows what she had been, yet, sees her as equal and deserving of the same perfect grace. In His eyes, she is perfect and whole and valuable.

________ 

You may have experienced the use and abuse of others. Mistakenly you may view yourself as through their eyes. Instead of a genuine smile, you see a soulless mask you’ve hidden behind for years.

Thoughts like soiled, not good enough, stupid, ugly, fat, skinny, not wanted, scarred, not loved have clouded your eyes that should sparkle with vitality, but reflect emptiness and brokenness.

In the presence of Jesus, we may be acutely aware of our past, our sins, our shortcomings. But, He does not see us this way.

“He is close to the broken hearted and rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18

“He came to seek and save the lost.” Luke 19:10

 “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that 

God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

“…you are made holy, by Jesus’ act just as He did for all people

who call on His name.” 1 Corinthians 1:2

“Anyone who belongs to Jesus, has become a new person. The old life is gone. 

Everything is made new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“How beautiful you are, my love.” Song of Solomon 1:15

Jesus loves you and wants you to know it.

"God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only son, Jesus, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

John 3:16