Priorities (Fourth Priority, Series Conclusion)

It's taken a couple of extra months to come around to the series conclusion of Priorities. Interestingly the reasons for its delayed post helps to solidify the structure.

1. God
2. Family
3. Ministry / Career
4. Myself

Here's the deal: If you or I do not take the initiative to care for ourselves, we will not have the time, desire, energy or health to focus on the first three priorities. Remember that LIFE HAPPENS beyond our control and, most of the time, takes us by surprise. Having your set of priorities firmly fixed will allow for bending, but not breaking. The following are some of my objectives:

• I’ve decided not to copy someone, but to learn from them.

• Striving for perfection leaves one emotionally and physically drained.

• I’ve learned that not many enjoy being around an insecure person who constantly shoves the baggage from her past into their laps.

• A positive attitude is vital! It keeps my eyes sparkling. It keeps me smiling. It’s a great witness for Christ…even to Christians.

• I am the only one who will take care of my body. I want to feel my best.

• I have interests and hobbies, outside the ministry and/or career, where I can refresh.

Jesus knew the necessity of rest and relaxation.

“Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while.”

(Mark 6:31 KJV)

Why we must “come apart” or we will “fall apart”:

Rest, Reflect, Develop Perspective, Renew and Think.

~Maury Davis

• I continue to grow. I read. I study. I observe. I listen to those who have years of experience. I attempt that which doesn’t always feel comfortable at the time. 

• Colossians 3:23 “Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do; as though you were working for the Lord instead of people. (NLT).

Do all the good you can

By all the means you can

In all the ways you can

In all the places you can

At all the times you can

To all the people you can

As long as ever you can

 ~John Wesley

Whenever I sense internal markers which are at conflict or a decision seems difficult to settle, I pull back and examine myself within the lines of my priorities. Additionally, I pray for peace. Remember the story at the beginning of this series? Re-constructing my priorities afforded peace. I could then relax in letting God be the bedrock holding me firm. Sure, strong winds may blow a challenge against my building blocks. However, decisions based on these priorities are secure and we will receive our reward from our living, loving Heavenly Father.

I invite your own observations. If you choose to keep it private, click here for my email.

Priorities (Third Priority Part 2)

Welcome back to the second part of Priority 3!

1. God

2. Family

3. Ministry (or Career)

4. Myself

Please know that these points are not just clever ideas borrowed from knowledgeable sages. Oh, no. Each point, often painful, was experienced by me. I offer them to you and trust you’ll avoid the emotional scrapes and bruises, which do eventually heal.

My suggestions with regard to relationships and ministry…

• Develop relationships with all ages in the church. Your ministry will have a broader reach when you are able to bridge those gaps.

• Be cautious of your conduct with the opposite sex.

• Support other departments associated with your church. It all comes back to you and your department/ministry. A mental image of the Olympic symbol comes to my mind. As the five rings interconnect, so should our support with other departments. The business world calls it synergy when the sum of smaller groups is greater than its parts. Translation: Stronger Together!

• No appearance at church or related events suggests that the staff wife doesn’t need the people; is a snob; is unloving; is sick or lazy.

• Don’t use your children as an excuse to get out of something. That’s called a lie. (2 Corinthians 4:2)

• Smile. Always be pleasant and friendly…even to those who have hurt you. Shake hands before service, when possible, and always following service, when possible. Recently God whispered for me to stay put after service on the front row of the church we attend when we're actually in town. I've been amazed at the conversations, prayer requests, encouragement and opportunities which have come toward me as I "stay."

• Don’t keep everything in. Why? You’ll establish and fortify walls of resentment toward anything and anyone to do with ministry. Find a mature believer or mentor – outside of your church – with whom you can confide. A mature outsider will allow you to vent and, in turn, can speak into your life. A mature outsider won’t compromise you or your husband’s ministry position.

• People will press you as a staff wife for information before they will approach your husband. Why? Women are notorious for being “loose lips” and gossipers.

• Keep confidences. Two exceptions: (1) Your husband, and (2) in cases of abuse, this by law must be reported.

Philippians 1:27 is a good word for ministry couples. “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” You’ll look back in a few years in fond remembrance and know these were truly the sweetest days of ministry.

December 2012, will be the final installment of our PRIORITIES blogpost lessons.  If you missed one, go to the Archive and catch up. If you have a question or comment, please message or email me. Most people seem to like the privacy of our conversations and that's totally cool!

~"Sam"

Priorities (Third Priority Part 1)

Well, here we are halfway through our Priorities list! Because I'm a "Chatty Patty" with this third priority, I'll share what I've learned in two different posts.

1. God

2. Family

3. Ministry (or Career)

4. Myself

In I Timothy 4:12, Paul challenges Timothy to “…set [be] an example for believers in speech, life, in love, in faith and in purity.” Sadly I confess that I haven’t always been the example described in this verse. Thank the Lord I’ve been aware of the Holy Ghost checking my spirit, even when it’s after the fact.

I’ve learned that …

• My every word and decision ALWAYS affects someone else.

• My opinions have value. However, there is wisdom in timing.

• I should never speak poorly about my predecessor, current pastor or other staff members. A critical tongue/spirit will cripple my ministry effectiveness to others (Titus 3:1-2)

• What I say could possibly close a person’s spirit toward those in leadership. Simply by casting a shadow of doubt has the same result without saying a word. 

• I look smarter when I keep my mouth closed. *A lesson I keep repeating.

• Ministry can be a great outlet for my talents, creativity and abilities.

• Ministries are to be shared. Just because I may be able to do it better, doesn’t necessarily mean I am the “anointed one” for that ministry. Take others along for the ride (Ephesians 4:12) using this simple method (I'm sure you already know): 

How to Train:
1.  Show the person how (by example);
2. Take their hand and do it together; and
3. Let them do it while you watch; then
4. Release them to train another 

QUOTE BY JOHN MAXWELL:  Success always leaves a successor.

• A lesson from my honey, Terry: Relax. Mature in the Lord and ministry will come…even though you have dreams for more. If it is a God-given dream, it will come to fruition. 

• If you believe God has placed a burden for ministry in your heart: (1) Pray for confirmation; (2) Pray for your spouse; (3) Pray for a plan and (4) Pray for timing. Perhaps we exhaust and frustrate ourselves (and others) when we try to push against God’s timing.

• In most cases, it is our husbands who have been hired or appointed, not us. We may make constructive suggestions in private to our husbands; however, we should not wield our desires and schemes through them.

• Never make any changes on your own initiative. We should never “bump” authority. (Titus 3:1)

• When someone doesn’t understand the reasoning behind our husbands’ words or decisions, we shouldn’t try to cushion or explain. Instead, we should defer any personal comments and suggest that person speak with our husbands.

• Yes, to a certain level our husbands can control their calendar. But, we should be flexible. It affords peace and keeps our homes as sanctuaries.

• Husbands must make the situation conducive for shared ministry.

I know some may take issue with me. It's ok. Some are lessons I've learned the hard way most likely because I have a "strong personality" and have rushed in with guns blazing without considering if the Holy Spirit had a different plan. Surely Jesus must look at me, shake His head as He goes as the Advocate before the Father, "But she's come so far."

Does this strike something in your spirit?

~"Sam" 

Priorities (Second Priority)

Last month, we looked into firming our foundation with our first Priority: God. The second Priority is a little easier for me to express into two categories: Husband & Child.

1. God
2. Family
3. Ministry (or Career)
4. Myself 

With regard to my husband...

• I control the atmosphere of the home. Making the home a sanctuary for my husband is a ministry. It may not be the most beautiful house or parsonage with up-to-date appliances and décor, but my attitude greatly furnishes the home with a glow that says, “I’ll keep the light on for you, Baby!”

• My husband may be the facilities manager, youth pastor, lead pastor, missionary, evangelist ministering to hundreds & THOUSANDS! But, when he comes home, my husband needs a real, live, warm wife.

• Just as my shameful words and actions would bring reproach on the name of Christ while wearing His name, "Christ-ian," the same would happen while wearing my husband's name. Yes, we-girls do carry as much influence effecting others and ministry.

Whether or not you're in a ministry family, take the initiative for a healthy marriage. I'm of the belief all couples should read Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages. The editions for children, singles and men are available, too.

With regard to my child...

• As a parent the responsibility of spiritually nurturing my child is mine. Read Deuteronomy 6:5-7. The spiritual "booster shots" come from the Sunday school teacher and pastoral staff. Because our kids become us, we need to teach and model.

• My child needs a good, even-tempered and loving mom. Making the home a refuge for my child is a ministry. I must give space and outlets for him to develop as a whole person. Correction and discipline are supporting roles of love.

• I shelter him. My child does not need to hear about staff conflicts, church members' sins or our personal difficulties. Remember the little song, "Be Careful Little Ears What You Hear"? It's remarkable that I can repeatedly tell my child to make the bed, make the bed, make the bed. Yet, I make one quiet remark and it sticks like Super Glue to that child's brain and, later, shoots out their mouth.

A ministry friend recalled a story of asking for prayer requests from 3-5 year old children. "Please pray for my daddy. He drinks too much," was the answer from the son of a church staffer. She asked him to repeat his request. This time he added, "...too much Mountain Dew." He heard his parents talking the night before!

• Just as vital to being mindful of which movies, television shows, selections of music enter his mind is protecting his spirit. I don't ever want to be guilty of erecting a mental or spiritual blockade in my child's spirit by allowing him to be privy to spiritual leaders' weaknesses. This may prevent my child from "hearing" the voice of the Spirit while that leader is ministering. Because at that instance, all he can remember is what was said about that particular leader. Make sense?

• The life of a PK (preacher's kid) has advantages! I should consistently present the positive. How often does a regular kid get to do all of the stuff that PKs get to do? Amusements park, summer camp, beach trip, mission trip, family vacation...and that's just the summer!

Ruth Bell Graham was once asked how she had raised her five children when Billy, her evangelist husband, was away so much of the time. Without hesitation she answered, "On my knees."

That's really what it takes. Isn't it? In no way is the above information all-inclusive; however, it is a structure which continues to be reinforced with consistent care. Feel free to comment.

~"Sam"

Priorities (First Priority)

Having focused on what I have identified as building blocks for my life, lets look at firming our foundation with the first Priority...

1. God
2. Family
3. Ministry (or Career)
4. Myself

In I Timothy 4:7, Paul admonishes Timothy to “…train yourself to be godly.” I love the way The Message version states this same verse: “Exercise daily in God…no spiritual flabbiness, please.” This requires action on our part. 

Living godly doesn't just hop onto us the moment we ask Jesus into our lives. The transformation is a result of spending time reading about Him and speaking with Him and listening for His voice. As a result we begin to take on the family resemblance of our living, loving Father both inside and out. Others will recognize it, too!

• From Psalm 119:9-11, we understand that we should (a) live according to God’s Word, (b) seek Him with all of our heart, (c) be obedient and (d) memorize scripture. It’s easier to be the women God wants for us to become when we know what He has to say. It’s already written out!

• Have you ever been in a funk? As women, hormones can be a factor in our attitude. For this reason, we should align our attitude daily with that of Christ Jesus as prompted in Philippians 2:5.

• Admit it. All of us have had times of stinkin’ thinkin’! Romans 12:2 encourages “…let God transform you by changing the way you think,” (NLT). It’s important to ask God to renew your mind on a daily basis.

• Scripture tells us “He inhabits the praise of His people.” Change up your daily devotion time and start your heart to singing with some of your favorite praise music.

• Having established Jesus as our example, we continue to follow Him in Luke 22:39 as having a regular pattern of prayer in that He “…went out as usual.” Then, a little farther into the New Testament we are instructed to devote ourselves to prayer (Colossians 4:2).

• The Holy Spirit can bring situations, people and our own weaknesses to light where we can target our prayers. GOD CAN READ! Try journaling or keeping a prayer journal. There are no rules for journaling time. It’s an excellent place to offload anxieties and frustrations where nobody gets hurt. It’s a great way to pray. It’s the perfect medium to “think in ink.” Through journaling, we can track the Spirit’s work in our lives and answers to prayer!

• Philippians 2:1-7 helps us to evaluate our motives so that each day and ministry is approached with a servant’s heart.

When we, ministry leaders, face daily stressful situations, why would you and I try to act in our strength? God wants YOU to thrive abundantly. God wants to bear YOUR burdens. God desires a closeness with YOU. When you have a hard time loving yourself, He's there and He loves YOU!

~"Sam"

Girlfriends-in-Ministry: Priorities

“If you don’t want us to be in the ministry anymore, just say the word. Right now, you make the decision. What’s it gonna be?”

These were the words of my husband who was frustrated and simply wanted peace. The stress revealed there was a crack in my foundation. That was it, my foundation. Terry and I had been married for less than a year and were part-time youth pastors doing full-time ministry, as well as, working outside jobs. Prior to that night, I had no thought toward the “building blocks” of my life. In that instance it became very clear I needed to dig deep and rebuild. I needed to establish priorities.

Whether or not you agree with the order, is up to you. I've found the following work for me:

1. God
2. Family
3. Ministry (or Career)
4. Myself

Imagine each of the above priorities in the tangible form of a solid block of magnificent rock hand hewn out of the side of a mountain. Starting with Myself being the smallest of the blocks and increasing size with each priority, begin stacking. You'd soon discover you created a wobbly wall with the weight of the ministry and family and outside influences teetering on your strength. See where I'm going?

Early to modern-day architects agree you gotta go deep with a strong foundation to build a sound structure. Reverse the order of our stones with the God-stone, the largest, now, bearing the weight, thus fortifying the entire structure. It can take-on any force, because God, Himself, is absorbing the shock. You may feel the tremors, but trust His strength.

"My gift of undeserved grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak" (2 Corinthians 12:9, CEV)...courtesy of YouVersion.

How are you holding up? Have you ever given thought to your own priorities? Ask God, our living and loving Father, to help you evaluate your own "structure." 

~"Sam"
P.S. It's 2-on-Tuesday, so at 2pm, look for blog post #2, which will be a recipe!